Interview: Premal Shah on the loss of his cousin brother

Written by Suraj Shah.

“We talked at home openly about him, shared memories of him, laughed at the things he used to say and do.”

Premal Shah is a 37 year old Chartered Physiotherapist, married with two children aged 9 and 6. He is currently preparing to participate in the Everest Basecamp Trek in 2012, in memory of his cousin brother who recently passed away due to a brain tumour.

In this interview, Premal talks about the loss of his cousin brother, how he discussed the topic with his own children, and preparation for his trek to the Everest Basecamp.

You recently lost your cousin brother. Tell us about him.

Amit was 45. He ran his own very successful pharmacy business in Hackney, and also did a lot on work with the NHS in improving the lives of local people. He was married with two boys.

What were the last few months and days of his life like for him, for you, how did he die, and how was that for you?

Amit died because of a brain tumour that was diagnosed last year after a sudden downturn in his health. The family was devastated, but somehow he always managed to look at the funnier side of life. After his diagnosis, he committed his remaining time for his wife and children. We didn’t really see him, but communicated via phone and email. Time was precious to him, so it was important that he spent his time with those closest to him.

What were some of the biggest challenges for you, and how did you manage to deal with them?

For me personally, the biggest challenge was dealing with the idea that his life was soon to end, and that the treatment he was undergoing was unlikely to help him. I had no problem in explaining to my children what was happening. Honesty and frankness is vital. Sometimes the truth is painful.

What did you do to bring about peace within yourself at the time of Amit’s declining health and eventual death?

We talked at home openly about him, shared memories of him, laughed at the things he used to say and do. He was an amazing character, and one that should be celebrated.

What are the most important lessons you have learnt from his life, his illness, and his death?

Life is precious, time can be short. Family and close friends should be valued.

You are planning a trek to Everest next year – tell us a bit about that.

In February 2012, I am going to trek up to the base camp on Mount Everest. I will be reaching an altitude of around 18,000 feet and trekking 8 hours a day for 10 days. I will be sleeping at times in temperatures close to -15. This is all in aid of raising money for Brainstrust, the charity Amit wanted to be supported. Amit was an amazing person. I want to do something amazing to honour him. I am out of shape and lazy, so the challenge will be that much more for someone like me.

Editor’s note: If you wish to support Premal’s trek in memory of his cousin, and through him donate to Brainstrust, Amit’s chosen charity, please visitĀ http://www.justgiving.com/premshah

(Photo caption: Premal Shah proudly supporting the charity Brainstrust)

How To Overcome Grief When A Friend Passes Away

Post written by Suraj Shah.

Have you recently experienced the loss of a close friend?

Friends come and go in our life. Some of the best ones stick around for a very long time, particularly when life becomes difficult and they are around to help us see through the toughest of times.

However, when a person dies, society’s belief is that the immediate family constitute the rightful mourners, and only they are deserving of condolences and support. Unfortunately, this means that friends of the deceased are generally forgotten about.

When a close friend dies and you have been forgotten, what can you do about it?

1. Attend the public mourning service

By attending the mourning service, such as a funeral, wake or prayer meeting, you get a chance to pay your last respects, along with many of the other people that your friend knew.

2. Participate in the family’s mourning

You may also have the opportunity to visit the home where your friend lived and spend time with the family, supporting them at home with any chores, or being around to lend a compassionate ear. They may even ask you to take on a role to replace an absent family member (such as being one of the pallbearers at the funeral).

3. Organise your own memorial service with other friends

In case you didn’t find out about the death till it was too late and missed the funeral, hold your own memorial service to honour your friend’s passing. By involving other participants, you have a wonderful opportunity to find out more about your friend’s life and discover ways to support others who are grieving the loss.

Remember your friend, embrace their qualities

Even though not everyone will understand how important your friendship was, do take the time to reflect on magic momentsĀ  you shared together and your friend’s qualities that you can embrace and carry forward into your everyday life.