Written by Suraj Shah. Inspired by greatness.
Following the loss of a loved one, no two days are ever the same. They never will be.
You may have gone through a low period for a while and gradually things were starting to feel better. Then out of nowhere, a bout of anger or sadness suddenly hits you – knocks you for six.
Perhaps a couple of days later you feel better, lighter, calmer. Then without warning you smell something that reminds you of them and you immediately crash into gloominess.
Ups and downs and ups and downs and some more downs. Just like an emotional roller coaster.
You know, that’s just how it is – and it’s ok.
Don’t feel you have to get better everyday. Time doesn’t heal. Patience does.
Give yourself a break. Don’t feel you have to get better because “it’s been a month now and you SHOULD be over it”. There’s no real getting over it, and don’t let anyone force you to get over it. If need be, gently explain how you feel, and then ignore their (at times well-intended, at times manipulative) words of advice.
It’s real for you. Very real. No-one knows how real it feels other than you.
Watch it, observe it, let it pass.
Observe the highs and let them pass.
Observe the lows and let them pass.
Gently over time the roller coaster will settle, releasing you from its grip, letting you enjoy your afternoon in the park.
2 thoughts on “It will feel like an emotional rollercoaster”
its funny. i hear everything you write, and i totally agree. i have been searching for ways to help me get over the loss of my mom. it has been over a year now, and tonight i had a melt down, again. i even called the suicide hot line just to have someone to talk too. i tried everyone in my phone, but as it is 2am, no one answered. why is everyone asleep, when i am falling a part. the pain in horrible, and i miss my mom so much. i do have my ups and downs, and i do notice the downs are getting fewer, but they are just as intense as if she passed away a moment ago. im not use to this kind of pain, or this feeling of helplessness, and i speak of not being able to handle all of this craziness that goes on in my head and heart, my soul. i know we don’t live forever, i know we are going to die, i know she is in a better place, i know and have heard all of it and agree…but the pain is horrible, and just knowing does nothing for me. i want to go on and be happy, i want to get over this. there has got to be a way to not hurt as i do. i don’t know, everyone says it takes time, i hate that word, time..sounds like forever.
Libby, I’m sorry to hear about your loss and the anguish it is causing for you. The hurt you are feeling is natural and will remain with you for as long as it needs to.
Do continue to reach out and take support from those who can lend an impartial ear, those who can help you share what’s in your heart without hesitation. There are incredible bereavement support services across the world – see if you can book some time with someone, in person, on a regular basis.
Tell me about your mom, about what she stood for in life, and which of her qualities you carry forward in your own.