Tag: calm

To be an ocean of love

Written by Suraj Shah. Inspired by greatness.

This one’s to all the ladies who calmly endure pain and hardship, and to their husbands who lovingly care for their wife’s every single need — I salute you.

We’ve had a bereavement in the family. My wife’s aunt (we’ll call her ‘masi’) passed away at the age of 51. She had been facing an ongoing battle with cancer for many years. Masi leaves behind her husband (we’ll call him ‘masa’) and a 17 year old son.

At the prathna sabha — a prayer meeting where the community come together to take strength from detachment-cultivating songs and pay their condolences to the family — members of the family and community spoke about masi’s life and her virtues.

Samta bhaav: calmly enduring the ups and downs of life

Masi’s cancer was advanced. It had gotten into her bones and affected every part of her body. She was constantly in so much pain and yet her focus was clear. She knew she needed to remain calm, stay strong, persevere and raise her son to become the wonderful young man he is today.

In Jain dharma, there is a term known as “samta bhaav”. It means to have a feeling of calmness and peace in any given situation. It means to have equanimity regardless of the pushes and pulls and ups and downs of life.

Samta bhaav arises from a knowing that everything around us is merely temporary — it will come and go as appropriate, based on the knots we have bound to ourselves through our previous behaviours. Those knots we have bound in the past bring rise to these present situations in our life.

Samta bhaav is a feeling that arises as a result of knowing in the depths of our heart that we are wholly responsible for the situations that are manifesting in our lives right now. Our present behaviours — the way we endure the situations we face — will determine the knots we bind and the subsequent situations that present themselves to us.

Masi, through the day-to-day endurance of physical pain, demonstrated samta bhaav to us.

Despite what she was going through, she would have a smile on her face and not let talk about her medical condition dampen the vitality of her life and her family.

We can take inspiration from that, learn to ease our own suffering and eventually free ourselves from our own self-made traps.

Pyaar ka saagar: being an ocean of love

During the prathna sabha, there was a devotional song performed, titled ‘Tu pyaar ka saagar hain’ (external links: music video; lyrics translation).

The song expresses devotion towards the great souls who have experienced their true limitless inner bliss and freedom from suffering.

These great souls are an ocean of love, overflowing with compassion. We look to them to give us just one drop of love (from that ocean of love) to quench our thirst, our thirst for freedom and ultimately cure our otherwise endless suffering.

Pyaar ka saagar means ‘ocean of love’. By taking a drop from the ocean of love, may we also be free to fly across our own ocean of suffering.

During the words from family members shared at the end of the prathna sabha, masi’s eldest brother spoke briefly about masi’s virtues and then directed our attention towards masa (masi’s husband) — an embodiment of ‘pyaar ka saagar’, an ocean of love.

Masa, in all these years, stood firmly next to masi, taking care of her every single need. From the ups and downs, the holidays and the hospital visits, and everything in between, he was right there, by her side, supporting masi through the journey.

He would work hard at the office all day and then tend to masi in the evenings and throughout the night. He is someone who clearly understood his duty and continued to diligently fulfill it.

Masa personified an ocean of love by consistently being at masi’s side, helping her endure what life presented her with.

Striving to be an ocean of love

As the upcoming years and decades unravel, I hope that my wife never has to suffer any physical pain, emotional turmoil or mental anguish.

But if she has to face any of this, then I hope I have the strength, stamina and diligence to care for her every need and soften her day-to-day suffering.

I look towards masa, my father, grandfather and other great men out there, and seek to become an ocean of love just like them.

Wishing to be left alone

Written by Suraj Shah. Inspired by greatness.

Do you wish that the world would just leave you alone?

From the moment you wake till the time you lay your head on the pillow at night, your day, each and every day, is jam-packed with demands left, right and centre.

For some it’s the demanding boss, for others the nagging wife, perhaps the house to clean, the bills to pay, the groceries to buy, and so on and so on.

When the world becomes just too much to handle, all I’ve wanted is for everyone and everything to leave me alone. I bet you have too.

Retreating to the cave

Sometimes I just need to sit in a small room and close the door, or hide under the duvet for ten minutes and shut myself off from the world.

Perhaps it’s a man thing, from back in the stone age when men had the luxury of the cave. You know, that cosy dark place where a guy can think things through and emerge with strength and clarity.

But we live in a different world, where there is just far too much begging for our attention.

Actually, we are always alone

Even though we may crave being left alone, it turns out that actually we are always alone. Truly alone.

All situations that we experience in life, whether pleasurable or painful, will arise whether we want them to or not. Yet they are temporary, and so will only linger for a finite time.

All the people that we are surrounded by, and all the love they shower on us or the demands they throw upon us, will come and go, whether we want them to or not. They too are here for just a finite time, whether for just a few seconds or over eighty years.

Nomatter how hard we try, we can never truly change the situations that we are experiencing. It will end at its own natural time. In the same way, we can never truly change anyone and force them to behave differently — they will change or go at their own natural time.

Equally, nobody can change a situation for us — every situation we are faced with, we have to endure ourselves. Other people can offer their love and strength and support, but they cannot change what we are experiencing in that present moment.

So for that reason, we are always alone.

But we’re not wired to keep this fundamental truth at the forefront of our mind. If we were always aware of it, then we’d giggle at the futility of placing all our happiness in what will inevitably change.

So what can we do to remind ourselves that we are always alone, and to use that to cope with any situation?

Becoming alone in the midst of a turbulent world

Regardless of what is happening in the world around us, or who is coming or going, it is possible to find solitude, to find peace, to regain strength and clarity.

It is possible to take care of matters you are faced with, tackling them head-on with a clear head and a warm heart.

Here are some steps I take to develop alone-ness to support me with any overwhelming situation:

  1. Take a deep breath.
  2. Accept that it is meant to be this way, that this present moment cannot be different.
  3. Let go of trying to force it to be something else.
  4. Shift focus onto the greatest virtues of the majestic people who live around us and have lived among us.
  5. Immerse into the feeling of joy when thinking about those qualities and virtues.
  6. Carry that joyful feeling into the task now faced with.
  7. Respond to that situation with calm and purpose.

Once you start to discover the alone-ness in any situation, it becomes easier to cope with the day-to-day demands of the world. In fact, it makes it easier to feel good in any situation.

If you wish to be left alone, what helps you to cope with overwhelm? Share your alone-ness tips and thoughts on the above at Google+

One calming word

Written by Suraj Shah, inspired by greatness.

What one word will always fill you with calm?

We live in a busy world, with much to do, many people to see, multiple personalities to deal with and of course money to make.

In itself all that can be the cause of enough stress, but adding on the curve-balls that life throws us (health issues, someone close to us passing away, a fire at home, etc), it can really knock the wind out of us.

We get frazzled, overwhelmed, panicky and desperate.  We struggle to breathe, to think clearly, to talk or perhaps even eat.

During an overwhelmingly turbulent day, just one word is all it may take to bring peace to our minds.

The power of just one word

My friend Sharan (her name means ‘shelter’) recently introduced me to a marvellous word from the Sikh tradition:

“Waheguru” (pronounced waa-hee-gu-ru)

One way to translate it is if we break it down: “Wahe” means wonderful, awe inspiring Divine Force, “Gu” means spiritual darkness and “Ru” is the ray of light, brought to eliminate the darkness.  So “Waheguru” translates to “A Divine Light eliminating spiritual darkness”.

From my perspective, this one word takes on multiple additional meanings which all contribute to calmness:

  • One God (i.e. I see God in everything): God is within me and in everything around me – I have nothing to fear or lose.
  • Wonderful Lord: A deep appreciation for the qualities and virtues of God.  It is an affirmation of sorts, like reciting “Amen!”  This genuine appreciation of virtues would help to cultivate these same qualities within me.
  • Surrendering thoughts, words and actions to Guru: The fortunate position that this moment presents me with is all down to the compassion of a great being.  So let me bow to his greatness, let go of my negative emotions, and appropriately respond to the situation I’m in.

“Waheguru” is a word that my friend recites daily, in the morning and the evening, commuting to work and back home, and any other opportunity that she gets.  Her grandma even uses it as a greeting towards other people.  Many others in her community do the same.  You may consider it a relaxing soothing meditation mantra (YouTube link).

This one word “Waheguru” could set you up for the day, give you bouts of strength and equanimity throughout the day, helps you reintegrate with family life after work, and then helps leave all the problems of the day behind as you gently drift off to sleep.  How wonderful indeed!

There are numerous phrases from other faiths, religions and traditions that bring about a similar sense of balance and peace.

What is your one word or phrase that consistently brings an immediate calm to any turbulent day?

On Google+, share your one calming word as well as your own thoughts on the above.