Written by Suraj Shah, inspired by greatness.
Do you know of someone who misses their dad?
In the past year, several of my friends have had to deal with the loss of their father. Some fathers had suffered through a long-term illness. Others have died suddenly.
This father’s day, I prepared a note for my friends who miss their dad.
Feel free to download the note (398KB PDF) and send it to someone you know who is feeling at a loss as a result of their father no longer being around. It may provide a source of clarity, comfort and strength for them.
Also, it could be that your friend’s father is still alive, but they’ve fallen out of touch as a result of distance, busy lives, a degenerative condition such as alzheimers, or perhaps differences in opinion. It may help with this kind of loss too.
» download the Father’s Day note for friends who miss their dad (398KB PDF)
Here is the text from the downloadable note, in case you cannot access the document.
If you miss your dad… by Suraj Shah | livewithloss.com | June 2012
How are you coping with the loss of your father?
Chances are that you’re thinking of your dad. Perhaps you miss him.
- It may be the date of his birthday or some other important date.
- It may be that you’re attending a family occasion where he’s not present.
- It may be that he’s not around to celebrate a major accomplishment with you.
- It may be father’s day where many other sons and daughters are connecting with their fathers.
- You may be facing a difficult situation and could do with your father’s guidance and support.
Whatever the reason, you miss your dad, and that’s understandable.
Fathers are incredible people. They have worked hard their whole lives. They have done whatever they think is best to give us, their children a good upbringing. They have taught us how to stand on our own two feet.
Your father was a source of immense strength. He had been through so much and yet continued to tap into a deep reservoir of love.
He may not have said much, but was quietly waiting… waiting to give support, to always be on hand when you needed him the most. And you knew it.
For this reason, and this reason alone, you will always miss him.
Father’s values
Although your dad may no longer be around, there is something that will stay on forever: the values with which he lived his life by.
These very same values are growing stronger in you.
When you look deep within yourself and think about the values you aspire to live your life by, you’ll discover that many of them are the very same ones you’ve absorbed from your father over the years.
Everyone’s principles and values are different. Here are some I’ve gained from my dad:
- Have a positive attitude to handle any situation.
- Face the world’s challenges with a smile.
- Think hard about what’s important to you and make time for it.
- Cut out all distractions that take you away from what is most important.
- Family duty comes first — care for your wife, care for your children, care for those who depend on you.
- Nothing is more important than your peace of mind.
- When in a conversation, listen — listen properly — then respond as appropriate.
- Talk to people of all ages and with all sorts of backgrounds — there is always something to learn.
- Great service is more important than a quick buck.
- Don’t forget to make money too — you need to support yourself.
- Be fearless in life — no-one and nothing has the power to make you feel scared.
Live with the loss of your dad
On special occasion days or the times when life is sending difficulties your way, use these three steps to help the memory of your dad shape a better moment for yourself:
1. Remember your dad: Remember your father with all your heart. Recall your greatest moments with him, what he would say, and what he stood for.
2. Recognise these values emerging in you: These same qualities are within you. Look deep within, remember times when you too have gotten through situations using those values.
3. Apply these values to your current situation: Whatever you are currently going through, take those values you hold so dear and apply them to your present situation. Think about what your father would have done and how he would have done it. Magnify it. Immerse yourself into it.
By remembering your dad, recognising these values in you and then applying them to your present situation, you will see yourself glide through the current situation with ease.
Additional resources
Let go of control to feel great
A friend whose father was very ill had found a way to let go and face the reality of his father’s imminent death. Learn about how certain phrases from our heritage have been instrumental in helping us let go of control: livewithloss.com/let-go
Getting grief and bereavement support
Upon losing someone, do you feel there’s no-one you can talk to? Even with loads of people around who try hard to make sure you’re not left on your own, it’s still so easy to feel alone. But there is a way through it: livewithloss.com/bereavement-support
If you found this note helpful, feel free to forward it onto friends who may also be missing their dads.
With warmth,
Suraj