Attachment-free relationships

Written by Suraj Shah.

“Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.” – Bill Withers

Relationships are wonderful. Attachment sucks. Here’s why.

  1. We go to a lot of trouble to be with someone we desire.
  2. When we get them, we worry about losing them.
  3. When they are gone, we feel sad.

Attachment = love + expectation = trouble

Attachments to people we are close to is love, coupled with expectation. That always spells trouble.

Our attachment to someone leads to greed – wanting them more, and wanting more from them. In trying to get more, our egos flare up and we tend to deceive and manipulate to get it. We become scheming and selfish. When we don’t get it, we become frustrated and spiteful.

Attachments, bad. Detached, expectation-free love, good.

What attachment-free relationships look like

Attachment-free relationships are magical. Here’s how they look:

  • A person arrives in your life at just the right time.
  • You feel blessed to have their positive presence.
  • All engagements and interactions with them are filled with love.
  • You care for them during life’s difficulties, but have no expectation of anything in return.
  • There is an understanding that they are doing the best they can do with what they have.
  • They leave at the right time, warmly and peacefully.
  • Life is filled with joy and trust.

How to have attachment-free relationships

Relationships free from attachment and expectation are pretty straightforward, so long as you know that:

  1. People come into our lives at the right time, no sooner and no later.
  2. They desire happiness and peace – they are no different from you or I.
  3. Most people have fears of pain, loss and death – just like you and I.
  4. They crave healing through love and care – just like you and I.
  5. They don’t like to be forced into doing things – just like you and I.
  6. They are doing the best they can with what they have – same for you and I.
  7. They will exit from our lives at the right time, no sooner and no later.

Attachment-free relationships are the way forward. Go on, enjoy your first dance.

(Photo courtesy of Stephen Steel, via Sawan Gosrani)

8 thoughts on “Attachment-free relationships”

  1. Simply brilliant! This is easy to know and difficult for me to live. I’m printing this off to memorize. May even leave it on the frig. Thanks for your few but powerful words of wisdom!

    1. Thank you Tess. It is difficult for me to live too. Perhaps I would do well to print it off and stick it the fridge door too, so I can continue to work on it daily.

    1. Even the clearest of water can get dirty when stagnant. In the same way, relationships need to remain fluid, with plenty of adjustment, understanding, and kindness.

  2. Found you through A-List and I have to say WOW. This is the 2nd time within a week that the subject of detachment within the realm of love has come up.

    Big sign. Listen up!!

    It really is how I want to be, have even pretended I’m this way. But the truth is, I have some work to do in this area. Probably a real good idea to follow your awesome blog.


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