Lead an optimal way of life

Alice Herz-Sommer cheerfully optimistic

Written by Suraj Shah. Inspired by greatness.

What if you were to lead your life with an underlying feeling that all situations you encounter are optimal?

It turns out that every single thing you face in life, no matter how demanding it may be, is actually conducive to you leading a calm and purposeful life.

The pessimistic path of loss

When you lose someone close, it can feel like your own life energy has been sucked out of you.

Suddenly it feels as though the world is collapsing around you and you’re falling apart along with it.

Wherever you look, all you notice is pain, hardship, struggle, darkness.

All you can see is negativity, which somehow makes sense to you so you hold onto it with all your strength. Down this path, slowly but surely, you take on the life of a pessimist.

And then you go downhill. You lose interest in your work, you push away others who love you so dearly, and your health suffers.

Embracing optimism

But the life of an optimist – well that’s a whole different way of living.

The definition of optimism is:

“Optimism is a mental attitude or world view that interprets situations and events as being best (optimised), meaning that in some way for factors that may not be fully comprehended, the present moment is in an optimum state.”

Embracing optimism brings about:

  • Better relationships – focusing on fulfilling our duty towards those close to us.

  • Purposeful work – doing the daily work that matters the most, bringing about fulfilment and joy.

  • Great health – the vitality to do the work we need to do, for the people who we need to care for.

  • Peace of mind – being content in the moment and enjoying the serenity that this contentment brings.

Even when some of these may come up a little short (because life is not necessarily plain sailing and there will be hiccups along the way), you will find yourself able to calmly endure whatever life throws your way by seeing the opportunity in the circumstance.

Leading an optimal life

So what does it take to lead a life of optimism?

  1. Look at the bright side of life: By taking your boundless inner energy and shining it onto all that you perceive, you will be able to see the opportunity in a previously gloomy situation. Acting on that opportunity can transform your entire life. Looking at the brighter side means you’re leading an optimistic life.
  2. Live with equanimity: All situations that happen in your life, take place because they were meant to. Such is the nature of the world within which we live. All things that come will eventually inevitably go. Such is the way of this world. So to be able to understand that that’s how life is, to calmly accept the reality of our world, is a way to let go of the emotional ups and downs that often arise from witnessing change. Living with equanimity means you’re leading an optimistic life.

  3. Look for the beauty in life: The 109 year old Holocaust survivor Alice Herz-Sommer was asked in an interview about the secret to feeling good. Her response was: “Optimism… and looking for the good. Life is beautiful. You have to be thankful that we are living… Wherever you look is beauty.” Looking for beauty means you’re leading an optimistic life.

  4. Live with awareness: Life isn’t rosy (a phrase often used by pessimists!), but life is real. Go about life with your eyes wide open. Stay vigilant, prepare for your adventures and protect yourself from harm. As the interview came to a close, Alice uttered “I know about the bad things, but I look for the good things.” You don’t need to actively go out looking for trouble or negativity – just be aware that this is a life of struggle and you will face many challenges, but within it is also an opportunity for greatness. Seek out the greatness of what life has to offer. Living with awareness means you’re leading an optimistic life.

I urge you to watch this extract of Alice’s interview (1m22s video) so you can hear the congruency in her voice and see the radiance on her face. You’ll agree that she is a true model for leading an optimal life.

A special mention for my friend Menka whose reason for optimism is that every experience is an opportunity to build awareness. Thank you, Menka, for transforming my mundane cliché’d understanding of “optimism” into an empowering way of life.

True independence

Written by Suraj Shah. Inspired by greatness.

Fourth of July, globally known and celebrated across the USA as a day of independence. A day of freedom, a new start, a fresh beginning. The notion of freedom translated into happiness. Yet, amongst this outer independence, we are still bound, still dependent, still largely unhappy. So how do we get true independence?

Still dependent

From a young age we have been dependent on our parents and those around us for the shelter of a roof over our heads and food in our stomach. We have sought the approval of others to make us feel good and the moment someone doesn’t love us the way we expect, we feel sad.

Our lives are dictated by the actions of others or the situations in the world around us. Our mood is governed by the temporary nature of the mundane objects in this mundane world. Our calm and peace is jeopardised by the fleeting nature of the relationships that we hold so dearly.

The whole of our existence is in constant fluctuation of ups and downs, like a roller-coaster that goes through twists and turns but never comes out of its loop.

We look for happiness in the world around us, but true happiness resides within.

The pursuit of happiness

Its time now to ditch the dependence and look within. The pursuit of happiness is about discovering that inner stability, regardless of the incessant mayhem of this world.

I urge you to find your path to true happiness. Pursue it, like your life depends on it.

It does.

Wishing you a calm and purposeful day, with an inner state independent of the outer situations or good opinion of other people.

Happy independence day.

Forgive and let go

Written by Suraj Shah. Inspired by greatness.

One of the earliest emotions that recently bereaved people report feeling is anger. The perfect antidote to anger is forgiveness.

When you face the loss of a loved one, particularly when it’s a sudden loss, you may find yourself plagued with a whole host of emotions, ranging from shock and sadness through to anger or even relief.

Today we’ll look at anger, seeing if it’s a type that you recognise in yourself, notice what it is doing to you, and then explore ways in which to gradually let it pass.

Types of anger

Anger comes in many varieties, from mild dissatisfaction through to intense frustration, and is normally aimed towards someone.

  • anger at the criminal – the driver who caused the accident; the thug who mugged him in the street; the burgler who frightened him in his home.

  • anger at the medical team – the surgeon couldn’t save his life; the nurse did not take good enough care of him; the doctor didn’t pick it up sooner.

  • anger at the disease – breast cancer took yet another life in my dear family!

  • anger at the person who has died – he went and left me to look after this young family on my own.

  • anger at yourself – I should have been more caring and loving and now I won’t get a chance anymore…

  • anger at the almighty – how can God be so cruel to take him away from me before I was ready for it?

Clouded with the pain of grief, you may feel justified with this anger. But what’s it really doing to you?

Anger – the disease

Anger is the type of thing that grabs you by the throat, will turn your whole life upside down, pushing away all the things you hold so dearly in your life.

  • your health: Anger wrecks your health. It breaks down your immune system. It spreads through every cell in your body, shutting your body down bit by bit.
  • your relationships: Anger wrecks your relationships. It pushes away the people you care about and who sincerely care for you.

  • your career: Anger wrecks your work-life. It clouds your judgement and reduces the quality of your work.

  • your state of mind: Anger wrecks your mind. It places a heavy piercing weight on your head, making you feel like you’re drowning in the boiling ocean.

Tell me, is holding onto this anger worth it?

Some people I’ve spoken with during bereavement support visits report to not caring about the anger or the damage it’s doing. They say they don’t care about any of it because there is nothing more to live for.

But what if there was an antidote – something you could do to banish anger from your kingdom to lead a more calm and purposeful life – something really worth living for?

Forgiveness – the perfect antidote to anger

It turns out that there is such a cure to anger – one that will indeed bring about more lightness and clarity in your life. This antidote to anger is the quality of forgiveness.

To forgive means to let go.

Let go of this blame. Let go of this pain. Let go of this discontent.

The fact is that this world works in a way that we cannot always comprehend. Situations arise in our lives that don’t always make sense and tend to bring us more fear and sadness than happiness and peace.

These situations come about and attempt to destroy all that we have worked hard to accomplish. Our loved ones get taken away and our lives get flattened and sometimes it feels like there’s nothing that can explain it.

So we seek out an answer. We force ourselves to find some way to make sense of what feels like a tragedy taking place in our lives. We find people or situations to blame, thinking that somehow, just somehow, it will help to reduce our pain.

But you know what, perhaps now’s the time to take a step back and see it for what it is. Something totally out of your hands – the nature of the world around us.

You need to know that I do understand. The anger you’re feeling is completely understandable. Those around you, those who care about you, may notice this anger and will either run a mile or will attempt to convince you not to be angry. But it’s ok. By allowing yourself to let it pass, this feeling of anger will gradually fall away.

How to cultivate the practice of forgiveness

To bring about the quality of forgiveness in your life, gradually work through these steps, taking your time through the process.

  1. Notice: Catch yourself when you’re feeling angry. Close your eyes, become still and watch that anger that has taken form within you. How big is it? What shape is it? What colour is it? How does it feel?
  2. Write: Make a note of whenever you feel angry during the day. What trigger caused it to arise? How did you react to the situation? How did you feel about that reaction?

  3. Resolve: Think about an alternative response to that situation. What could you do the next time this situation arises? You may not get it right for a while, but let the responses you feel are more appropriate develop within you over time.

This process of noticing, writing and resolving can be incredibly powerful as a daily exercise.

As you take some time for yourself each day to notice the strong feelings that arise within you, to familiarise yourself with them and acknowledge them by writing them down and then resolving to let anger go, you will start to feel a sense of lightness develop within you.

Really, there is no rush. Allow yourself to step from stage to stage, gradually lifting away your pain, your grief, your anguish.

Soon you will feel a sense of calm as you purposefully settle into a life of forgiveness.